Don’t know about you but I had this happen to me at least once – after a friend have had a kid, we basically stopped seeing each other. They got busy with new responsibilities (which is totally understandable) and I got tired of reaching out or waiting for their response. And while I totally understand the whole “life without kids” vs. “life with kids” division (and soon to experience "life with a kid" side), I want to believe that real-life friendships can be saved after kids arrive. The trick is that just like with anything good in life, you have to make an effort and invest time in relationships/friendships in order for them to continue to flourish.
One of the most valuable advices I got from the parenting books and people already with kids:
"continue to nurture your other relationships while you're busy raising your kid/kids.
"Family life sure is rewarding but it’s healthy to have a balance and for the new parents/mommy to get out once in a while. Getting together with other adults even for an hour or two – is a great way to learn new things, to just chat, or to exchange opinions on various issues in life."
And I’m determined to stick to it. Moreover, I’m very determined to foster new friendships.
This past week was all about that - being social and spending time with people and participating in the life of our community. Prenatal classes, coffee shop meet-ups, book clubs, little get-togethers - it felt great and I'm hopeful not to let these important connections fall off my radar screen once we have our baby.
What do you think? Did you feel isolated when you had kids/went on mat leave? What was your "social strategy" (if any, of course)?
I wholeheartedly agree and applaud your efforts in strengthening relationships, reconnecting with friends and building ties to your community. What I just said sounds kind of cheesy - but it's true that one needs friends & strong community (neighbors, acquaintances, yoga class buddies, etc) to feel included and supported - and it becomes even more vital after you have kid/s. ~M
ReplyDeleteThat's exactly it! You've summed up all I wanted to say in just two sentences:) Thank you!
DeleteI'm guilty of this :) getting out and getting involved is so important. I wanted to write a ton here, but I"ll limit my little venting sessions with this: I avoid at all costs socializing with families/people who don't have the same approach to children that I do. My basics are child safety and manners. You would not believe how many parents come to socialize only to let their kids run wild putting in danger not only themselves but other children as well. And don't get me started on parents who encourage their children to not share.
ReplyDeleteI treasure socializing with other families who have a similar approach to parenting that we do: no hitting, no breaking other people's stuff, sharing and being kind. You would be amazed how many times parents are just there to socialize for themselves and their kids are usually somebody else's problem.
sorry... not exactly what you were talking about, but it's such a sore point with me.
My problem is that my little ones need their naps. So it makes things practically impossible to socialize. They just don't nap in their stroller/carseat! :( And no naps for us means fussy, miserable kids who don't sleep at night.
I would really like to socialize more and it is definitely something I want to work on. Just with the right people :)
sorry still ended up being long!
Thanks, Natash, for your input and honesty.
DeleteYou know, that didn’t even occur to me – that my parenting style might not agree with other couples’ or theirs with mine:( I keep thinking of a little manageable baby who sleeps most of the time (here’s a hoping:)) but I keep forgetting that once that stage is over – there is a whole new level of parenting involved!
I guess I’ll be on the same look out for like-minded parents and treasuring those connections the most.
Please don’t feel bad for keeping your comments too long:) I value your opinion!