Spring hike

We almost made it to the falls:)


Look at this mischievous guy. His dad decided that snow pants were not necessary for this hike since we were just going to look at the Falls. Yeah, right. G had other plans - he just bathed in the deep snow and the sunlight! Soaking up his mittens and sweat pants. It was clear that going further down the trail was not going to happen and we had to turn around. Oh, well...next time we will make it.

Feeling the Spring energy more and more everyday. Sunlight is so bright. It will be interesting to see how V reacts to no darkness since it'll be his first summer in the North. Second for me. Wow. Time flies.

Daycare days

Just wanted to leave these photos here.
Two dayhomes and one daycare center since he was a year old in two capitals: Ottawa and Yellowknife.

This May he is turning four, and it will be last month attending one. Come September, he starts JK.


My boy is growing. Life is going faster than I want it to.

Nobody said it’ll be easy

Four months in the North. Two full months of solo parenting. One day can pass by like a minute, another – like an eternity. It was a hard weekend. We both were sick, clingy and miserable. Saturday the babysitter came in, so I could get out for some groceries and a much needed break. To say the least, G wasn’t thrilled about my merely an hour absence. By the end of day Sunday, G lost it and scratched my face in the heat of a tantrum. I probably deserved it...

Grateful it’s Monday! even though it’s -29 outside.

Start

I feel that before talking about our recent change, I should at least bring you up to speed on the past two years. To say the least, they weren’t the easiest.

After my maternity leave ended in May 2015, I went back to work. Little did I know that my happy working self would merely last five months – things at work had changed while I was away and it was time to move on…

At the same time, V was starting up his new venture – a custom wood furniture shop and needed help with branding/website. G was just little over 17 months, so we decided that I’ll stay home, indefinitely.

We took him out of daycare and with that, my stay-at-home-mom days begun.
At the beginning it wasn’t bad, pardon me my straightforwardness; I was busy helping out V, it was wintertime and days were filled with social engagements and events. I barely was noticing the change. In February, we went to visit my parents in Maine, stayed with them for about a month and before you know it, it was springtime. Coming April, we went to Mexico for a short getaway. Only after our arrival, the reality of staying home kicked in.

How exactly was it for me? Well, I was pretty much driven by the sheer thought of “husband will eventually come home”, and I’ll have some me-time, some time for activities other than cooking, laundry, walks to the playground. During the days, every opportunity I had to get out of the house with G – I took. Funny, but looking back on that time now, I was the most social self☺ I’ve met some very awesome mothers in the community and always had somebody to go with for a coffee, for a stroll in the park or just hang out. That’s what actually helped me through those tough times – support of women around me.

I was also deep into new job search. I was determined to find something that will bring change…not just a change to my “stay-at-home “status but to our life in general…not sure how to describe it, but for some reason I knew that relocating would be a new start. So I applied all over Canada. Without going too much into the detail about the job search (I’m sure you’ve all been through it), I was offered a position in Yellowknife, Northwest Territories.

So here I am, a working mom with a job that makes me smile and a toddler who smiles back at me at the end of every work day when I pick him up.

This is our story… let’s begin.

Baby G’s nursery

One of the coolest things of being a parent is that you get to relive/realize things from your own childhood. I always wanted to have a mural in my room as a kid. They were very popular back in Soviet Union and I remember seeing them at the doctors’ office, library or on the walls of my kindergarten. The scale, the colours, the whimsical characters - I was fascinated by them as a kid.

So when we found out we were going to be parents, I knew I wanted to paint one for my baby’s nursery: And here it is. Perhaps, not as perfect as I thought it would be, but I am happy with it. My goal was to be original with the characters. For some reason, I wanted to stay away from Disney:) And use lots of colour!

Besides the mural, there is one more detail in the room that I like a lot. The doily pendant. It's special because it was the first diy project for the baby that V and I both worked on and it's also made of doilies made by my grandma:)
The rest of the room décor is pretty low-key. No mobile, fancy toys or expensive pieces of furniture. Our “changing table” underneath the mural was an old tv stand donated to V on one of his moves that he spray painted white. The corner closet and the crib were both from Ikea.

First time apart

Today marks the beginning of a third week of our vacation in Maine. And it’s the second week since V went back home and we are apart.
We have a plan for him to finish some of the renos in the house. There is work that simply can’t be done with a little one in the house. So we decided it is best if we stayed behind while V finishes at least what we have started (I’m thinking about you, entryway). Once that’s done he will come back for us.
One the one hand, it was a great plan and I’m itching to see the result, on the other, being separated like this simply stinks. Even though I have my parents to help out with baby G (and boy, aren’t they great hand and kindest babysitters ever!), I still feel strange being the major caregiver. For the past three months, V and I worked out a system of shared care and responsibility for baby G and now that he’s away, I really miss it. Not that I can't handle the kid myself, but it feels strange to even give him baths without V being nearby.

Did you have to separate for a while when you had your first kid? How did you manage if you had to?

New mom surviving tips

Look at that – we are getting along afterall!:)Baby G hit one n half months this week and I hit my own milestone with it – I am feeling much more settled in my new role. There are still days when G simply doesn't let me put him down (just like on the pictures) but I think I made my piece with those demands – they go away eventually and we are good again.

Here are some tips on how to adjust to being a new mother during the first month that I found helped me the most:

Incorporate your baby into your daily routine.
This may sound weird, but was very true for me. I didn't just switch on to being a mother right after G was born. Well, yes, of course I did everything expected of me – I took good care of him, but mentally and emotionally it took me time to adjust to the idea of his constant presense in my life. Then I've read in one of the parenting books that «you should do things without waiting when the baby falls asleep». Before, I was doing exactly that. I would wait for him to go to sleep before I started cooking, checking emails, cleaning the house – the daily things. It felt that I could only do them once he's asleep. It was wrong. Now I am making an effort to have him be a part of everything that's going on with me throughout the day. Well, to the extend of course.

Get out of the house.
Whenever I felt like I've reached the end of my rope, I've asked V to cover for me and got out of the house for an hour or two. Really, it helped me several times. I went out all frustrated and came back with totally new perspective. It doesn't matter where you go – library, store, coffee shop. Just take a baby break and do something nice for yourself.

Stay social.
As hard as this one can be due to lack of time, I recommend not closing down from your circle. Even if majority of people you know don't have kids yet, stay connected with them. If taking baby to a friend's house can be a challenge, invite them over for a short visit. Another great way to stay connected – social media. As a non-Facebook user, I found Instagram to be my window to the outside world while I spent most of my time at home these days. It's easy to maintain and I could see what peopple are up to while breastfeeding or pumping. Not to mention snap pics of baby G and document his growth.

Listen, but make your own decisions.
Naturally, people will want to give you advice. As much as it may be hepful, only YOU know what is good for you and your new family member. So trust your gut and take charge - that's how you learn to be a parent.

Adjusting

One month and one week into parenting but we are still adjusting to our new life as a threesome. It will probably take more than a month to feel completely adjusted, or maybe a lifetime? Ha!
Perhaps, it’s just me, but let me tell you that parenting is not what I thought it was. For some reason it is rarely mentioned anywhere how exactly your life is changed after you have a child. As far as I remember, the experience of it is somewhat misrepresented.
You see images of happy parents and children getting along, happily doing something together, parents carrying their perfectly calm babies in the carries or strollers, parents showing off their little ones in all kinds of fancy outfits. Or the worst one I remember – new parents doing their old things with a baby strapped to them, like sitting in front of the computer and doing their business like nothing changed. Well, maybe someone is that lucky, but my baby is strapped to the rocking chair while I type this, and I’m rocking him with my foot to keep calm. You don’t really see the images of distressed adults trying to manage a grunting month old who won’t sleep but screams. Nobody really tells you that putting an outfit on the baby actually takes practice, patience and time, and with all other things you have to do throughout the day, it is really not that practical to be changing them very often, let lone – take pictures of them in those outfits!
Yes, it’s been said to me many times: “your life will change forever”, but never have I heard what exactly that change entails?
Now I can tell that it changes in EVERY aspect. And it is not just your freedom that no longer exists (which is huge), but also the way you used to think, make decisions and function.
As an example, we went to Ikea with baby G the other day. And it was amazing to realize that even a small errand like that is totally different experience now. If before we used to go in, quickly navigate to the desired section by making shortcuts, grab what we needed, shove it in our Civic and drive home, now it is a whole different story! You can’t just quickly do things anymore; you have a baby in the stroller! Plus, things no longer fit into our Civic due to the car seat at the back. In other words – different experience. Not to mention, all the attention we are suddenly getting from people. Well, that, I actually don’t mind – he he.
You suddenly realize, that you have to think ahead and adjust the way you used to do things to a new level. A whole NEW level.

Crying baby. I have to cut this post short and check on him.

P.S. I will be back with more. That I promise:)

P.P.S Don't get me started on the image above. The way your body changes is unimaginable! More on that soon to come.

It was the best of times, it was the worst of times

I kid you not, this was my state for the most part of the past month – half awaken, half sleepy, always with clinging infant, who didn’t seem to understand that as much as I was ready to take care of him, I also needed my own time (getting my hair done would have been nice:))!

Boy, you can’t be prepared for this type of commitment.  Our (mostly mine, as V had to work) days were all about taking care of this little guy – feeding, pumping to feed, changing, bathing and doing TONS of laundry.
Some days I felt like I was in prison and baby G was my prison warden. I ate, slept, took showers and spent time on the computer only when he allowed:)

"Challenges” of the first month that we dealt with as first time parents:

Sleeping
As much as we were hoping to have a baby who sleeps a lot, it didn’t happen. We have a wakeful type of baby on our hands and that causes lots of broken nights, mornings and even days. This isn't the type of baby that you can care for in short bursts of time and then ignore in between. No. He makes himself felt almost all day long and a good deal of the night, too. Some nights it was like torture: I'd put him down all changed, fed and burped but once I started drifting off into sleep myself, I got awaken by a very angry, fussy boy. I started taking him out of the bassinet and into our bed where he had constant comfort and I didn’t need to sit up to feed. It seemed to work and I got couple hours of continued sleep but something is telling me that I will pay for that decision later.

Feeding
There wasn’t a problem for baby G here. It was me. I cried one day because I was so tired of this constant feeding and pumping business. It felt like that’s all I was doing throughout the day and night and I was ready to thrown in a white towel - aka give in to formula.

Pooping
Weird thing happened around week two. G developed a grunting baby syndrome. He seemed to have forgotten what muscles to relax at a certain time and instead turned all red, cried and grunted. Apparently not much could be done to help him (as much as we would like to), this should go away once he’s a bit older.

But of course, not all days this past month were gloomy. We got to know each other better, learned few tricks and all ready for next month's surprises:

My corner of the world

This is where baby G and I hang out 99% of the time (other one percent is in our bedroom and his bassinet). Our living room got lost to our baby boy and we really couldn't care less about how it looks at the moment. Although, I should admit that I do wipe those floors like a maniac once I see a drop of milk on them! Word of advice here – unless you don’t mind cleaning constantly, never install dark hardwood floors if you plan to have a baby! Nonetheless, we feel comfy and happy in this little corner and that matters the most. We've covered our sectional with this whimsical blanket that my mom made. The fabric is from Russia and it features main characters from the fairy tale "Kolobok". I love how it fits the baby mood we are in right now:)
Another thing I find that I love to have in this corner is fresh flowers. They make me think of celebration and boost my spirits whenever I start to feel overwhelmed during these demanding first few weeks.

Did you have a favourite place in the house with your newborn?

Grateful

When you are going through a major life change, such as giving birth and starting up as a new parent your mind can go weird places. That’s why it’s so important to be surrounded by family and closest friends. I was lucky to forgo the drastic realizations of this big change and handle new responsibility due to the love and care of these special people:

V, baby G, me and my dear sissy

V…
you are my hero. Even though I can’t recall much the day I gave birth, I do remember you supporting me through it. Your strength gave me strength and I am grateful you were there with me.

Sissy…
there are no words to describe my appreciation for your kindness and attentiveness not only at the delivery but also throughout the pregnancy and newborn care. You are the best sister one could ever wish for and I’ll be forever grateful for all you did for us on this baby journey:) Thanks for taking all the pictures too!

Mama…
without your support I simply wouldn’t have made it. With you being with us for these two weeks, I was able to concentrate on baby G exclusively and learn to be a mother. You have completely saved us with your delicious cooking and I give all the credit for his growth (my milk supply) to you.:)

My no medication birth plan

I had good intensions.
I was determined to have unmedicated birth. Not that I had anything against drugs in particular, no, I just wanted to try and do it the way my mother and her mother before her did it back in the day. After all, if they could do it, why couldn’t I, right?

Well, wrong. And let me tell why my plan simply did not pan out for me.

On Thursday, May 8th, I woke up in the morning feeling slight cramping in my belly. Although, barely noticeable, it continued on in the afternoon. My mother was with me during the day while V was working and I kept telling her that it is probably the Braxton Hicks and the body is getting ready for the due date, May 12 or later and it’s no big deal.

So we spent the day like nothing was happening, went for a walk, shopping, cooking and were planning to visit the swimming pool. To my surprise, the pain became stronger and more frequent but still very bearable.

I have to say, it was such a weird day. I had a feeling that maybe something grand is about to happen but yet was dealing with daily routine: calling places, emailing people, house work, grocery shopping, cooking, etc. The pain was so minimal and irregular that I was sure I was experiencing practice contractions:)

But weird or not, that day went by pretty quickly and at about 10 pm I got an answer. I wasn’t experiencing BH, I was in real Early stage of labour. At this point I’ve already jotted down timing for several contractions and decided to call the hospital to let them know that I might be on the way soon.

At around 4 am on Friday, May 9, the contractions were at the point that I had to sit on the fitness ball (my savior) to rock my body and really concentrate on breathing. Once contractions became five minutes apart, me, V and my mom were driving through the sleeping neighbourhoods of the west side of Ottawa to the nearest hospital.

By that point I had problem walking (or sitting in the car) through each contraction, so when we couldn’t find an open entrance at the hospital at that late hour (we should have done a test drive), I thought I would give birth right in the foyer of the hospital entrance.

Fortunately, I did not. I was admitted and the waiting game had started.

I have to say a few words about the hospital I didn't give birth in.
From where I come from, women give birth in birthing homes instead of hospitals. There are doctors, midwifes and nurses there, so it is like a little hospital in a way but its only goal is childbirth. There is one in my hometown back in Russia. All my friends and relatives had given birth there, including my mother. It was built in early 50s: It’s a beautiful but very old building that needs repairs desperately.
I can’t say much about the quality of care there since I hadn't experienced it first hand, but I’ve heard stories from friends and relatives about the place. For a long time, visitors were not allowed in the building and the only way to see a mother and the baby was by showing through the sealed windows. The staff is also very strict and new mothers have to obey the set feeding times, as well as rules on how to handle babies. It’s also known for high rates on C-sections.

I feel tremendous gratitude I was able to give birth and experience such wonderful after care at the hospital here in Canada instead. The nurses were amazing and very knowledgeable. In only two days of staying there, I’ve gained more information and got out knowing about newborn care more than I thought I could handle with my fuzzy brain.

But back to labour.

Once admitted, I thought I’d have a quick delivery. Yep, every woman’s dream! To speed things up but ease the pain down, I relaxed in the tub couple of times, walked in the hallway with V by my side, rocked on the fitness ball (yes, I brought it with me) and tried breathing in the laughing gas but to my surprise, things weren’t progressing fast enough. In fact, I was at 8.5 cm at about lunch time on May 9th. Nurses got changed, doctors got switched, but I was still stuck in pain with nowhere near the desired 10cm.
By the time I passed 30 hours of labour, I was still stuck at 9cm. Exhausted, hungry and helpless I’ve asked my nurse if this can be helped a little. She offered epidural again. Throughout all my sufferings, she was proposing it to me to ease the pain and get some rest but my stubborn nature kept declining. And I would have kept on rejecting it, had I known that 10 cm will happen soon. But since I had no clue, in fact, time had totally stopped on me in that delivery room and so did my cervix. It wasn’t dilating and I couldn’t take another contraction.

I accepted it.
What a relief a felt right after it! I was able to nap for a bit and got some rest. Even though I couldn’t feel my legs, I was very comfortable. Doctor came in shortly and did a check. Guess what? I was at 10cm and it was time for pushing.With no natural urge to be felt, I tried my best to push G out for about an hour. But to my surprise, he wasn’t coming out. At that point I knew I needed help. The doctor read my mind – a bit of vacuum assistance and my very best push and baby G was out! I was beyond relived and happy once his strong cry broke in the silence.
It was the best sound I’ve ever heard and certainly the best/worst day in my entire life.

First week of motherhood

What can I say?

I love being mom to this little dude.
This past week (has it been a week already?) has changed me in ways I can’t even put in words. So instead, I’ll skip the drama and go right up to updates.

Baby G is one demanding baby:) There were nights during our first week when while trying to soothe him screaming bloody murder, V and I looked at each other and everything was clear without words – what have we gotten into? Is this going to be like this every night? What can we do to stop this boy from waking up the neighbourhood? Neither of us was awake nor asleep during the days after such nights.

But we are learning.

Learning from this little man and he responds back with locked eye contact and little smiles that he doesn’t realize he’s doing yet. This week was also “a week of firsts” for all of us: first bath at home, first feeding with a bottle, first neighbourhood walk, first doc’s appointment, first hiccups – yep, not in my belly anymore!, first taking turns in taking care of him to let the other one to sleep:)

The week flew by like a day and I can’t stop the time to let me enjoy my newborn longer.
Next week will be about different milestones and goals. I feel like a timer was set off the day G was born and now it’s ticking on its own towards new firsts without even asking me if I’m ready to let go of the ones he just established.

Now we are three

Well, I didn’t quite make it to Mother’s Day to give birth but leaving the hospital with my own baby boy in my hands was truly magical and I cannot feel more grateful.

Baby G was born on Friday, May 9th and has been our world every second since:) We are beyond happy to have him make our little family feel more complete.

I am itching to tell you his birth story (and all the other mommy knowledge I'm acquiring!), as I believe every birth is special and learning from other women’s experiences is priceless.
Just bear with me as I gather thoughts about the past while all I can think of is this magical present!