I’ve finally finished reading “Creating life” and I must admit that this book spoke back to me. Not so much in the “emotional way” that most women reads are so full of, but in a practical way that's hard to find these days.The book mostly speaks about “high-achieving women”, whom I don’t associate myself with “income-wise”, but whom I relate to age-wise and by the fact that I am a working woman who doesn't have kids yet. In those aspects, I found the book incredibly informational.
Each chapter is backed up by stories of real women (and men) and lots of statistics based on surveys. I liked that a lot. For one, I didn’t know that peak fertility occurs between ages 20 and 30 and that it drops 20% after age 30, 50% after 35 and 95% after 40. The popular age of having a first child among older women was 22, now (book was published in 2003) it’s 29. By looking at myself, I can predict that it’s much later nowadays. There is a whole chapter dedicated to high-tech reproduction that many women turn to these days. I found it very eye-opening that having gone through such procedures doesn't guarantee anything. That it might help couples in some cases, but it may not work in others.
Another powerful message that I got from the book was that a lot of women aged 28-40 think that it will “definitely happen for them” , but the book clearly states that it may not. Or at least not right away. So to save us a lot of heartache in the future, author advises to be proactive about it now.
Here is a piece from one of the stories:
“One piece of advice for young women. Do a whole lot of planning early on. Be as strategic about your personal life as you are about your career. And find an occupation where you can bend rules. Then, work hard enough to deserve having those rules bent for you.”
On a personal note, I really recommend this book to my childless peers. Without sounding supercilious, the author really touches on subjects of love, work, relationships and “having it all” in this age of societal and personal demands. And if you‘re anywhere like me – facts and statisitcs-minded person, I think you’ll appreciate the data presented in the book. (it’s based on America, but I don’t think the location really matters in this case).
I, for one, have a great appreciation for such useful information that other women shared in the book. Some of the experiences deserve a real admiration and are very powerful examples of courage, determination and endless love.
I wish these statistics were shared more widely in our society. From personal experience as an almost 2nd time mom before 30 I'm exhausted from surprised and downright pitiful looks I get. As if having children before 30 is an irresponsible choice. As if, only until you are older you're able to give your child the love and attention they deserve.
ReplyDeletePeople are actually assuming that our 4 year old was an accident and are surprised when they find out that, no, we didn't have a shot-gun wedding, and yes she was 100% planned.
Hand in hand is the assumption that as a "young" mother (I'm at least 5-8 years younger than majority of moms in any playgroup, so I avoid those completely, talk about lack of a support system) I don't care about my career. Which cannot be further from the truth either.
Thank you, Natash, for sharing this.
DeleteI took comfort in the fact that I’m “with everybody else in the boat” here in Canada, because back in Russia it’s very uncommon not to have kids before 30 (at least your first). But after reading the book, I discovered that motherhood after certain age involves risks and there is a good chance that it will not happen right away.
The choices we make are very personal and, as I learned from the book, in many cases putting off motherhood has to do with finding a right partner or financial situation.
Which is very understandable.
I guess there is no simple answer in terms of timing. In any case, I don’t think anybody deserves to be pitied or judged for making the choices they feel happy about.